A Dictionary of Parents (for kids)

A

A 6-foot tall kid in middle school. The standard for your child to be compared to.

Africa. The Elysian Fields where wasted food never quite reaches.

 

B

Beach. Where you have to show off how good your family is.

 

C

Crying baby in public. [to child] You were never like that.

 

D

Do you know what happened on this day in *insert year*. One upping your child is the best.

 

F

Frosted Flakes. Yeah I’m that cool parent.

 

G

Going down the rabbit hole. Whenever your child makes a simple mistake.

 

H

Have you done anything today? When your child just randomly happens to end up in the same place where you saw them last, before you went to work that morning.

 

I

I had to walk to school. After any complaint of school, reasonable or otherwise.

I wasn’t like my dad. How to properly empathize with your son not wanting your job/life.

 

J

Jimmy Fallon. Unmistakably hilarious. The apogee of comedy.

Jay. Old college friend

 

L

Long drives. Make your child think you are a terrible driver, so they have to stay up and keep you company.

 

 

M

Multiplication tables. A satisfactory indication of whether your kid will be successful or not.

 

N

New York Post. Insightful. Principled. Veritas. Has cool pictures.

 

P

Pat on the back. A meaningful confidence boost.  

Phone Calls. Unfortunately, rare. Have to make them last a few hours.

 

R

Rap. The root of all violence.

 

S

SAT score. The college admissions process

So, any interests in girls? The best conversation starter if you do not want a conversation.

So, any interests in boys? No definition available.

 

T

Thank You cards. Absolutely necessary after anything decent happens in your child’s life.

This is a real problem in America. An original dinner table position that you secretly read in the New York Post.

This song reminds me of my dad. How to reveal a lot about your family past in a subtle, vague way.

 

W

Wait until you’re in high school. When your child wants to quit piano.

Wait until you’re in college. When your child still wants to quit piano.

 

Y

You can definitely get in here. To be said after every tour at a top university.

 You remind me a lot of your father. Easily the most confusing thing to be said to your kid in a divorced family.

You’ve gotten taller. What to say after not seeing your kids for over two weeks

 

 

Thank You to Minji and Yeetang for peer review.

Will Yun

Review: Peerless by Jiehae Park

Directed by Brian Ko

 

‘Peerless,’ by Jiehae Park was brought to life in a simple environment by incredible actors from Phillips Academy. The set design was basic: a black box theatre, a few boxes, color filtered lights, music and sound effects and a projector. However, it was just enough to really use the characters to their full advantage. The plot is a mix of racism, manipulation, greed, lust, and cost. It starts off with L and M, acted by Nicole Jo and Shannon Liu respectfully. I am not familiar with Nicole and Shannon’s acting, but their delivery of the complicated back and forth dialogue was admirable to say the least and demands me to see their next performance. L and M are sisters and the stars of the play, and they begin talking about their accolades for The College. The sisters soon go into the résumé of fellow classmate, D. Their conversation consists on how his 1/16^th Cherokee background and mentally disabled brother are the only reasons he got into the College. The conversation is clever spoof by Jiehae Park on how current high schools talk about the admissions process of college. The dirty profit, played by Carly Pearlson, a known comedian in the comedy troop Sketchy, perfectly recites all of the information that M had on her application and makes racial claims about M’s Asian heritage, proving her micro-aggressive sagacity.

The scene suddenly changes to the school dance, introduced to the audience by an outstanding dance solo by Layomi, who plays M’s boyfriend. Layomi is a well renowned dancer at Andover, so M’s boyfriend was perfectly casted by the director. After Layomi leaves the stage, M and L are trying to get closer to D in order to learn his weaknesses. After M starts dancing with him, she learns about D’s suicide attempt the previous year. D reveals how while swallowing a bottle of pills, an old chief came to him in his dreams and told him that he needed to survive the Native American bloodlines. I interpreted the offensive chief performance as symbolism of how Americans only have a vague understanding of their ancestors and care more about their race than the people themselves. Consequently, D now lives with “no fear,” because the spirit of the chief is the protector of his soul. M slowly starts to empathize with D and truly likes him. M proves this when she stops L from exploiting his nut allergy and trying to kill him. However, after more manipulation by her sister L, M agrees to go to D’s basement, where they plan to kill D.

A powerful moment in the basement occurs when M and L face their backs towards D and swap places multiple times, trying to out his inner racism. The idea of confusing D by the Asian sisters, could signify their longing for a unique identity, and identity that includes their Asian heritage but also their personalities. Finally, after a while, the twin sisters strike. M gives D a nut filled cookie, and almost immediately he starts to feel his windpipe closing. He reaches for his EpiPen, which he always keeps around his neck, but the EpiPen is not there because M took it. D begs M to save him but she refuses, saying “you have to save yourself.” D dies in the basement, only feet away from his brother, officially surrendering his spot at The College.

In the next scene, M and L are rehearsing their cover up. M is still getting over how she murdered her friend but L has already mastered her alibi. The play suddenly turns even more dark when L creates a tale that D tried to rape her, and then committed suicide because of his guilt. I personally felt that the cover up threw around rape and suicide way too lightly. I am not sure what Jiehae Park intended by doing this, maybe it could be trying to start a conversation about how people in the real world joke about suicide and rape, but it felt inappropriate during the play. In the following days, M’s remorseful conscience has taken over her mind. D, dressed in the stereotypical chief outfit, enters her nightmares. D starts making racists statements about Asians and M says “stop or I’ll” but quickly realizes the damage she has already done.

In a surprising turn of events, M’s boyfriend receives D’s spot at The College, so the sisters start to plot his death as well. M confronts her sister about killing M’s boyfriend, instigating a physical altercation between the sisters. The dirty prophet arrives and tells M not to trust her conniving sister. When M challenges L again, L acts as though M killed D and M’s boyfriend, even threatening to tell people that M is a murderer. Surprisingly, M reveals how she already called the police station, posing as L, and confessed to the crimes.

In a Shakespearean ending, M gets in to the College, receiving her boyfriend’s spot. D’s disabled brother rightfully accuses M of killing his brother and uses his gas tank to blow up both M and himself for justice. L poses as M, and attends The College, where she reminisces on her sister’s life, and how much The College really costs.

I thought that the play was worth attending. I always find it interesting to see a contemporary take on race, ethnicity, disability, gender, and their place in our daily lives. Furthermore, using the college admissions process to make a modern Macbeth is at a new echelon of creativity that deserves the appraisal of even the most critical. The play only becomes better once I factor in the incredibly believable performances by the actors. ‘Peerless’ shows the importance of a broadened perspective in the increasingly introspective world of the college admissions process.

Jordan was enjoying his Friday in full. He finished his stressful week, and right after class went to sit on a bench and reflect. His blue eyes gazed from the daffodils to the sparrows to the clouds that looked surprisingly like his english teacher. He laid his sore back against the hard, splintered wood, and began to dream. Slowly his thoughts turned from the test he just had, to the cute girl in his class, to the cute girl in his class on the beach, to his entire math class on the beach, to his entire math class eating meatloaf on the beach. But as soon as his class was about to eat the juicy, flavorful meatloaf, someone had moved his legs and sat down on the bench. Jordan opens his eyes and sees a stranger with chestnut brown eyes and a crooked smile. Jordan saw pain in those eyes and hesitancy in those teeth. And as quick as she arrived, she left the old wooden bench and disappeared into the pollen.

Ellen loved walking from her public high school to the private school in town. It had a magnificent campus, with large oak trees and cute squirrels to climb up their trunks. She had just reached the campus gates when she noticed a boy lying down on a bench. Ellen always wondered about the mysterious students who attended the private school. Ellen walked along prestigious cobblestone paths to the boy and studied him. His wavy hair, peachy cheeks, and broad shoulders were all of no interest to her. But eventually, for reasons that Ellen could not explain, she sat down on that old wooden bench with the boy. But right as he opened his eyes, a splinter entered the back of her thy without warning or motive. She sat their in pain and realized there will be other days to talk to the private school kids. Without a word, Ellen got up and walked away from the beautiful campus and headed across town to her home.

You might have heard of the Lion King, the story of a recently orphaned lion cub, coming of age to free his people from the tyranny of Scar, the evil brother of the late King Mufasa. Although the movie was fantastic, I am here today to reveal the true story of the Lion King, where Scar is misunderstood and villainized simply because he is not as attractive as the other lions and fights for a cause that the rest of the tribe turns their back to.

Scar had been fighting for the marginalized groups of the hyenas his whole life, seeing himself as one of them because he too has been shunned by society. Scar desired to free the hyenas from the barren and infertile plains behind the graveyard. Mufasa and company made it impossible for hyenas to move up their social standing, even though buffalo and elephants are the lions greatest enemy. Not to mention that hyenas only eat dead animals, while the lions, under Sarabi’s command, aggressively hunt members of neighboring tribes or even from their own tribe. Furthermore, Mufasa is greedy, claiming that his kingdom extends to the sun’s light, and could easily give some of his land to the suffering hyenas.

Scar sees his only option as killing his brother who he once loved in order to free the hyenas from their immobile positions as the bottom of society. Scar never coordinated the stampede, which endangered his beloved nephew, but he had to seize the moment and liberate the hyenas and the tribe from the tyrannical Mufasa.

Under Scar and the hyenas, the plains are portrayed as a barren wasteland, blaming the crash of the food market on Scar, when in reality it is the fault of the selfish female lions, who’s duty it normally is to provide for the tribe.

Finally, Simba returns bringing timely cinematic lightning with him, causing pride rock to erupt in flames. Simba and the selfish lionesses stage a coup d’état against Scar, sacrificing the desires of the majority for their pride. Knowing that he cannot beat scar in a one on one fight, as the main lion is supposed to do, Simba manipulates the hyenas to fight against their liberator. Scar dies valiantly and the lion ancestors in the after life bring prosperity to the lands in his honor. It is unfortunate the the history books display Scar as a mischievous despot, but he is just one who has paid for the long standing injustices of the winners rewriting history. We have a duty to uncover the truth of these “villains” so that another Scar will not happen and so his sacrifice for Pride Rock will not be in vain.

Silhouettes are used sparingly in Fun Home, which makes the panel above all the more striking. The panel’s text tells the surface story of how small the margin of error is for the children within the household. A single mistake from Alison could mean getting hit by her father. In this instance, the father sees that a vase is too close to the edge of the table and instantly scolds the children. It might not even be their fault considering how small they are compared to the table. The silhouette aspect to the panel displays Alison and her brothers’ dark childhood. The absence of light supports the metaphor of Alison being trapped in Daedalus’ maze. She cannot escape the minotaur’s shadow. Moreover, the silhouette depicts the rigid and upright posture of Alison and her brother, almost like soldiers obeying their commander. The peculiar posture points to the fact that Alison’s could never truly have a childhood because she had to continuously obey her distant, yet present father.

Alison in a larger sense has much in common with a silhouette. She hides her emotions like a silhouette hides detail. She hides the ugly and she hides the beautiful from her world when talking to other people. She could be perceived as a silhouette because she rarely expresses herself to the world. This silhouette panel is a microcosm to the dark childhood of Alison.

“Glorious” – Macklemore

On the way back home I listened to this song to hype myself up that I just finished a term of school. “Glorious” talks about how we learn things about ourselves and life while we are away from our usual life. It applies to me because after an entire term at Andover I am ready to take on the world — but first I would have to take on my cousins.

“Un Poco Loco” – Anthony Gonzales & Gael García Bernal

Before I went to sleep in the uncomfortable bed at my uncle’s, I watched Coco. The song made me realize that I was becoming a little crazy from just sitting around with my own thoughts. It made me want to get up and actually talk to my younger cousins instead of just having them kick me. However the song only motivated me for the trip and when I returned home I was yet again lying around just thinking about my life.

“Ghost Town” – Kanye West

I found myself listening to Ghost Town on our family room couch, hoping someday I’ll be free from the restrictions that I face as a kid. I was dreaming about being older and being set free from constant second guessing and overthinking. Trying to set myself free from the self made boundaries and really find myself and what I want to do with my life.

“I Feel Lucky” – Mary-Chapin Carpenter

After dreaming ahead I started to think about the present and all that I had. In Thanksgiving spirit I listened to the upbeat “I Feel Lucky” which had me dancing around the apartment like Tom Cruise. I really am lucky though. I am lucky for my parents, my sisters, my friends and family. Sometimes it gets hard to see it, but it definitely felt nice thinking about all the awesome people in my life.

“Pursuit of Happiness” – Kid Cudi

This is one of my all time favorite songs. Pursuit of happiness is all about having fun on the journey and realizing what makes you happy is an important part of life. The song transports me to a world of being carefree and appreciating being young and able to do a lot of activities that make me happy. The song is just a midday confidence boost that is much needed at Andover.

Silly Willy!

• A sit-com featuring Will, his roommate, and their surrounding friends as the hilariously navigate their way around prep school.

Ep 1 – New Beginnings

Will and his roommate, Ted, arrive to campus after a long and boring summer. Will is so excited to see Ted at lunch that he slips and his food goes everywhere. Everyone starts laughing and Will’s cheeks begin to blush. Will Will stand up and take it like a champ or slouch back in the Pasta Monday line.

Ep 2 – The Xbox

Will walks into his room to find ten people sitting on his bed and couch playing xbox. Will notices out of the corner of his eye that his once full Flintstone gummy vitamins have appeared to been eaten. What does this mean for the future of Will and leaving his food out.

Ep 3 – The Scooter

Will and Ted split their money and buy a brand new Razor scooter to traverse around campus. Will leaves the scooter outside of commons to eat, but comes outside only to find that it is missing. Will and Ted go all over campus to find the scooter in a thrilling detective short.

Ep 4 – Going Home

Will decides to go home over the long weekend leaving Ted alone for three days. The two have never been away from each other this long in almost two months. What will happen between the two? As jealousy and lust take over their two separate weekends, will their relationship ever be the same.

Ep 5 – Halloween

Will and Ted dress up as stormtroopers for the Halloween dance, expecting everyone to be blown away by their costumes. Nevertheless when the roommates arrive they find two other groups wearing the exact same outfit. Will and Ted go out to confront them in what will be known as the greatest dance off of all time.